My wife and I have used various reward systems throughout the years with varying degrees of success. Starting when our kids were fairly young, we used it as a mechanism to encourage them to earn the rewards that they get in life.
Now that they're a little older (3rd and 5th grade), we've stepped up the concept with a full-blown chore chart and weekly allowance.
I have been completely blown away by how motivated they've been and how well it has worked, and I wanted to share our experiences.
Introduction
Getting our kids to embrace their chore chart wasn't always easy but there were a few things that helped in a major way. We used consistency as a tool to help set and keep expectations. We also used incentives that really motivated our kids to keep them engaged. Finally, we looked for opportunities to use praise and other positive reinforcement to really help solidify the behavior patterns in our kids.
Consistency Was a Huge Factor
When we first started using our chore chart, our kids gave us plenty of resistance. We had power struggles, procrastination and dealt with all sorts of excuses.
Over time, consistency was the thing that helped us overcome this difficult initial period. By sticking strictly to our reward structure and making our expectations clear, we made it easy for our kids to understand what we wanted them to do, what they would get if they did it, and what they would be missing out on if they didn't do it.
Money was a Big Motivator for Our Kids
Back when our kids were younger, we used things like star charts (or sticker charts) to keep track of positive behavior and implement reward systems. If there was a toy that our kids wanted (within reason), or if they wanted to have some screen time, we used the sticker chart as our means for them to earn those things.
As they grew older, we discovered that money was much more of a motivator for them. My kids are now 8 and 11 and, these days, are more into things like Roblox and Fortnite than action figures or things like that.
For those reasons, among others, cash worked really well as a motivator for our kids. A lot of video games these days offer players the ability to trade real-world money for enhancements to their game experience.
Helping them to understand money wisely is a secondary benefit of using cash as a motivational tool. They've run the entire spectrum from saving every cent to buying things without really thinking it through, and they have already learned some really valuable lessons.
We Looked for Every Opportunity to Show Appreciation
This next part was just as rewarding for us as it was for the kids. We looked for signs that our chore habits were becoming more regular and really put a lot of praise on our kids when we saw them doing something we liked.
Clearing their spots at the table after lunch or dinner is one of the first things that they learned. At first, we had to ask them. We still have to remind them from time to time, but there are many more times when they simple clear their spots on their own now.
These are the things that deserve high praise. It makes the child feel good, and it makes you feel good as well. Our kids really responded well to this, and it kept them motivated to keep working and improving.
A Continuing Journey
Since we started, our kids have changed a ton. Things I've noticed with them are:
- A desire to take the initiative in situations. Helping without being asked, coming up with ideas of how to help on their own and more self-sufficience in general.
- Financial responsibility. Since they earn their money now, they are very conscious of how they spend it. Our older son really likes to take his time and make sure he's making the right purchase. Our younger one is a bit more decisive but takes the decision just as seriously. We feel like it's a good balance for both of them.
- Respect and appreciation. Since they now have a little glimpse of what it takes to run a household and keep a family going, it seems to have given them some new perspective. They have shown better manners and I've also noticed more respectful attitudes in general.
Conclusion
There's my quick rundown of how chores have changed my kids. My family is in a better place now for having picked up this habit, and I would highly encourage you to try it out with your family as well.